Almost Dying In A Piece Of Carpet

…around this time of year, twenty two years ago, yours truly was found in a rolled up piece of carpet behind his house. – Given a probing kick, by my brother in law to be, I crawled out to hear…”We’ve found him Catherine!”

Barely hearing her, from the teeth chattering in my head, I was led upstairs and off to a nice warm bed.

Confused? – It’ll probably make more sense if I roll the clock back a few hours.

See…It all began when a very sober Barry (all dressed up in drag for some reason – still don’t know why) headed off on one of his last nights of freedom on his stag do.

Many hours later, and even more drinks later, said Barry had had enough drinking, missed his fiance, and decided he was going home – and didn’t tell anyone he was leaving.

Looking off, to where he knew his house to be, he decided that the main road wasn’t the best, or the quickest way back to his house. – Cos, drunk people are cleverer than sober folk.

Nope, Barry picked a point in the distance that looked about right, and walked straight toward it…literally straight toward it.

Pushing his way through hedges, climbing, and falling over more gates and fences than he remembers, his greatest obstacle came when he fell into a river. Wading through the waist deep freezing water, he wasn’t going to let anything stop him from getting into his nice warm bed. – Except maybe the fact that Catherine was still out on her hen night that night and he hadn’t a spare key.

Drunk, wet, and standing in only a shirt and slacks, he knew he needed something to keep him warm. – Hence rolling himself up in a piece of carpet he’d thrown out the day before.

Thus leading to the ‘Where the hell is he? Have you rung all the hospitals? I’m going to kill him when I get him!’ conversations that he slept through until Garrett’s toe poked him in the guts.

Moral of the story?

I don’t think there is one…unless maybe that going in a straight line isn’t always the best route to go in. And that there’s probably a good reason to do the curvy path thing.

And maybe the alcohol bit.

Oh….and always having a piece of carpet handy, because you never know when you might need it.

You couldn’t make this stuff up, right?

PS – It’s true what they say, life is crazier than fiction. – I know my life is anyway. 🙂