The Boris Business Plan

…this week the final nail was hammered into the coffin of ‘Sweet Holy Jesus This Can’t Really Be Happening.”

What am I referring to? It’s how the jester of the House Of Commons got the top job in the UK.

Those of you that thought Trump was a wild bet on the run up to the White House could have easily retired on a dollar bet placed on Boris for PM.  – Think even the Russians said that the job was beyond their capabilities.

So how did he do it? 

All by telling people what they wanted to hear.

One day the European union’s the best thing since the sliced pan, the next it’s Hitler’s second coming and they’re robbing all the UK’s money.

One day it’s I’m not interested in the PM’s job, the next it’s move that old bag over I’m the man for the job.

Each time sensing which path was easiest and least damaging, Boris zig-zagged his way to Number 10.

Thing is, there’s a lot of ‘Borises’ out there. (Don’t know if that’s a word, but let’s run with it.)

One day it’s Facebook, and then it’s Instagram.

One day it’s Amazon, and then it’s eBay.

One day it’s Email, the next it’s Bots.

Each time, the fruit is ready for the picking.

It’s retirement time.

Money by the pool.

And when they’re found out, it’s ‘Over here, this is even better!’

‘Get rich today, forget about tomorrow!’

Before you know it, you’ve got a hard drive filled with empty promises and an empty bank account.

The easiest thing is to tell you that everything’s going to be plain sailing.  That you don’t need to work hard. That it’s all push button.

The best bit is, you’re nodding along with me right now.

“Those people. Idiots. Imagine falling for tha………oh, wait…..I did.”

And that’s how Boris got elected.

The easiest low content book you’ll ever make.

PS – Now living in the middle of the two, Trump and Boris, us Irish are wondering if it’s time to start building the fallout shelters. Just in case one of them mistakenly pushes ‘the button’ thinking it was something else.